hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
