Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
