Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
