i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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