I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Vodka?
Forever.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
