K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You ruined the universe
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
