Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
