in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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