I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
