Duck Duck Cougar?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
