Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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