We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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