i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
