I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
