drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
