I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
