**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
