I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
