first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
