Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
