so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
