I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
