At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
