Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
