He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
