my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
