I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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