he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
