I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize