i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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