I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize