Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
