The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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