Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Damn victory sex feels great
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
