from now on my penis is your penis
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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