I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
