i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
