ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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