And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
