I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
