im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
