McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
