Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize