OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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