Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
