Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
