In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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