i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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