i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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