you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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