i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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