you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
