So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
