I cockslap morals
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
