you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
