At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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