hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
