somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
