they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
