ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We were destined to go to rehab together
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
