mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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