From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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