how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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