our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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