It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
