alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
