so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Someone came in the potted fern
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
