I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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