I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
