you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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