i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
