make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
